The Michaela Story

Dear Dr. Turansky and Mrs. Miller,

	Just as I will always remember the day 
I received Jesus’ gift of salvation as my spiritual birthday, I will always remember September 10th and 11th, 2004 as the day 
I learned the secrets to effective parenting that have changed my life as a mom.
	I am a mom of four children under seven. The weekend of your seminar in Florida, our state was in a state of emergency over the impending Hurricane Ivan. No mandatory evacuation could have kept my husband and me from your seminar however, as we were facing a much more severe storm right inside our home. Her name was Hurricane Michaela! 
	As exhausting as three young boys can be physically, the emotional antics of Michaela left us even more drained mentally. By the end of each day, we had felt as though we’d been engaged in hand-to-hand combat with a mere five-year-old...and she usually won!
	Michaela could go from being happy to outraged in 3.2 seconds. And from there, she was uncontrollable, name-calling, hitting, and belligerent. Her brothers feared her and, quite frankly, so did my husband and I. We often encouraged her spending the night at friends’ houses just to get a breather and re-coupe.
	Here’s an example of our discipline routines with Michaela back then:
	Michaela would hit her brother (usually more than once in succession). We would take her to her room and ask her why she had hit him. She would reply and we would discuss things she could have done differently that would not have resulted in this discipline process. We would then tell why what she did was wrong and against God’s word. Then came the discipline. Michaela would have to bend over and we would spank her (the number of swats was always adjusted to the crime and we would tell her how many she was getting before spanking her). After the spanking, we would hug her, tell her we loved her, and pray with her. 
	Michaela’s heart hardened after each and every one of these discipline sessions. She would stiffen at our hugs and not return them, offer only her forehead for us to kiss. Over time, she began stomping, throwing herself to the floor, kicking, and throwing objects after her spankings. She often screamed, “I hate you!” at my husband and me.
	Previous books we’d read and advice from Christian parents and seminars told us that these end results meant that Michaela needed yet another spanking because her heart was not yet right with God or repentant. So, we’d spank Michaela again and her emotions would escalate and her tantrums would get bigger after each time, until we had no energy left to spank her with and she was hoarse from all the screaming at us. And since Michaela’s anger could be triggered by a pin-drop, this entire process was sure to repeat itself within an hour or so. There never seemed to be a break.
	A friend of mine gave me your book on anger and character and I read it in one weekend. I took notes feverishly. Then, two days later, another friend, who didn’t even know I’d read the book, sent me the information regarding your upcoming seminar. I knew it had to be God. I signed my husband and myself up immediately. 
	I have to admit, at first I was a little skeptical at the idea of taking breaks and the positive conclusion. After all, we were talking about Michaela, a genuine force to be reckoned with. I envisioned the explosions that would surely follow my telling her to “go and take a break”. I thought, “Yeah, right. They don’t know Michaela.” I was at the end of all other resources, however, and so I was more than willing to try anything at this point. By the end of Saturday’s session, I felt fully armed with my new toolbox of ideas and I was ready to give it a go. 
 	We went home and told our kids about taking a break and we re-enacted the positive conclusion for them. They all just stared at us like we were aliens sent to replace their real parents.
	Within two to three weeks, however, we were seeing changes in Michaela we never thought possible (not without an exorcism, that is!). Her demeanor softened. She didn’t walk around sullen all the time. She began to seek positive attention and not negative. Sometimes she would stay in her breaks for five minutes and other times twenty. She came to us when she was ready. Her fuse began to grow and not burn so quickly.
	One day, Michaela hit her little brother for climbing up next to her at the table and coloring in her coloring book. She knocked him right off his chair he’d dragged over to be next to her. She took a break and when she came back to me we went through the positive conclusion. We talked about other ways she could have handled Ben coloring in her book.
	About 30 minutes later, the same scene repeated itself! He climbed up in a chair next to Michaela, took a crayon, and started to color in her book with her. Michaela pulled her book away and said, “Ben, I’m not going to hit you this time, but you need to go and get your own coloring book and then you can sit with me and color. This is my book.”
	I almost fell out of my chair! I called my husband at work and relayed the story to him. We were overjoyed at the breakthrough. Even other parents who knew Michaela before said they are in awe over the difference. Her brothers let her in their room now because they actually enjoy playing with her. 
	After discipline, Michaela is repentant, apologetic to us and to her siblings, and then quick to let it go and move on. Not every day is perfect, don’t get me wrong. 
We used to say, however, that Michaela had a good day in the midst of all bad. Now Michaela has a bad day here and there in the midst of all good.
	Thank you again, Dr. Turansky and Mrs. Miller, for teaching John and me how to help our daughter and how to get our family back on track.
In Him,
Tara Bertic (and husband John) 

We’ve been talking to you about your relationship with your kids but I want to talk to you for a moment about your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Isn’t it interesting that God uses the picture of the family to describe the kind of relationship he wants to have with you and me?

And God wants to have a close relationship with us. He doesn’t want to be a distant Heavenly Father. He wants to be close to us with a personal relationship.

In fact that’s the most important parenting tip I can share with you. That you have a close relationship with your Heavenly Father. Because when you do you receive all kinds of spiritual benefits. Spiritual guidance, energy, perseverance and wisdom just to name a few. 

And that relationship starts with a Positive Conclusion because God asks the first question, “What did you do wrong?” If we’re going to have a close relationship with our Heavenly Father then we have to admit that we are sinners and when we do, God has a beautiful Positive Conclusion planned for us. Parenting is the toughest job in the world and we need all the help we can get. I’d encourage you to strengthen your relationship with your Heavenly Father. It will help you in so many ways.

Be sure to pray for families.

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